I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
