Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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