Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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