First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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