why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
