I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
