I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
