im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
