at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
