The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Farmville is her only friend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
