I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
