dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
