My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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