No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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