Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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