we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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