I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
