I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
