I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
