the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i've created a new STD.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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