I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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