fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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