the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize