We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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