i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
