if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
