sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
