i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
