I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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