This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
