there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
