It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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