I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
