if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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