Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
