Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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