Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Enjoy the penises
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
