the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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