Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
