Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
