Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
