Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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