I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize