Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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