If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry my hands just texted you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
