Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
