last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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