Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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