Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
