btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
