I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
