at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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