wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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