I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
