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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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