ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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