Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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