No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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