Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
