so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
