i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
