you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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