Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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