So drunk its hurt
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
