Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
