He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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