That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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