So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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