I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
