I hate all girls vehemently.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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