I think I died a long time ago.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
either way he was missing a nipple.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
