I just cut my nipple shaving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
