So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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