we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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