I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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